Bernie Slutsky

  Minneapolis Teachers Strike I brought a tub of cream cheese and a dozen bagels to a friend’s house for a gathering. What I didn’t realize was that the gathering wasn’t supposed to happen until next week. I brought the bagels home and decided to bring them to the rally the teachers were having the next day.  When I woke up up I figured it would do them good as it was a cold and dreary Monday morning. So Jess, Princey and me drove on down there. As we turned on to Broadway off of Golden Valley Road in North Minneapolis we could hear excited voices of a large crowd singing in harmony  There was an upbeat tune of a marching band  The beat of the bass drum goes straight to your heart The horns and the brass gets you to stand up at attention and smile We could see a rainbow of jackets, coats, and sweatshirts that were worn by the people who were busy milling about and greeting each other You could see an infinite number of people that filled the block It seemed that this...

  Inside my heart I dance I am free I am joy I am peace I am love When I leave this sacred place, I can't help but get sucked into a persistent pattern of blaming, condemning and judging those who I feel are being shortsighted and evil I feel righteous in doing so I react towards those who pollute the planet and disenfranchise others. The ones who feel privileged and entitled My instinct is to attack I am in it for the fight  Which takes me down to my knees in pain and despair It feels incredibly daunting How they sneak through the system to attain wealth and power I am breathless in shock and fear And I pray from my head For answers For Relief For Escape For Safety For Change For Rehabilitation I lose my way I am stuck My body turns into a vessel - a machine With no soul It is lost in chaos In fear and desperation I freeze Caution leads the way It ignores my heart And I grasp onto whatever is attractive and charismatic It may be a movie, show, song, food, political figure, or...

  When I turn away I don't have to see the hatred I don't have to witness the disregard of life There is a break from the grief and pain in my heart over the inhumane rules we live by and the destruction to our planet I don't have to hear made up stories or egotistical banter and nonsense to justify the fear and self centered actions of those who so desperately need to feel privileged  I don't have to see the out of control fires I don't have to watch the videos of people attacking doctors and scientists I don't have to hear about those who refuse vaccination and condemn wearing a mask I think about since the beginning of this country's birth there has been a disregard and brutal treatment of the Native population and people of Color And to this day there is a full court press to keep Black, Brown, Native and people of color from voting When I hear those, who out of entitlement and righteousness, preach that they have individual rights to carry guns in publi...

  The booth in the restaurant is spacious and far enough away from the other ones to feel safe from whatever virus is lurking in the air The number of covid infections has decreased and there aren't many diners at this time of day I don't have to obsess over catching covid Besides I have been vaccinated fully My friend sitting across the table whose face and chest that extends from the bench in the dimly lit room isn't He says he's healthy and guarantees it He maintains his slight congestion is allergies I believe him with a drop of doubt I lean back a little on my side of our domain to get some space I am here today because I want to hear what is exactly inside of him, and from my heart, without judgment He's a champion of white nationalism and trumpism I want to understand because until now I carry resentment that I know weighs me down And my ego has a desire to convert and save him He says he wants to hear my views and we agree we both want the same thing That th...

  My eyes gaze at the sky The white cotton blends into the grey backdrop I feel a quiver a sense of loneliness inside my stomach It's like a message or a note has been passed to me from above I feel the innocence - the purity - from the space all around and inside me Has been stolen The sky is not as clean as it looks The invisible air isn't so invisible The faces of strangers aren't as trustworthy as they used to be My imperfect world that had at one time been a vessel for me to journey in and seek answers - purpose - and meaning It seems to have stalled When I look at the sky it tells me "it's tired - it can't breath" It is overloaded with all the dishonesty - the narcism - the disregard of life and integrity And this sadness sits inside my core And I ca't hide it anymore Like the sky - I grieve 

  My white skin It's a badge that is stained That plays with my mind I sometimes call myself white But it's only my skin The tragedy is that my whiteness has seeped into my brain and my eyes I view the world through a white lens I see others with different shades of skin  They speak with accents and have unique, even exotic dialects My whiteness tells me they are "the other" My brain says "watch out you are in danger" This how my whiteness sees my world and those who are not white This planet has many colors that capture my heart The lush green foliage in the summer The crystal clear blue hue of the winter sky during a sunny afternoon I can't help but get drawn into the natural beauty of nature When looking up and there is a sudden appearance of a rainbow following a dramatic thunder storm it's almost impossible not to get hypnotized by the spectrum of color up above We live and we exist in living color Every day My whiteness goes way beyond skin dee...

My silence protects me from being consumed by the desperate pulsating waves  That run down the inside of my chest and stomach This run away train has been eroding my inner landscape for as long as I can remember It is mysterious and powerful When I dare to take a stand, my actions dissolve into  silence and I sink into a paralysis of numbness and chaos I hide in the dark, lonely, night where I pray for survival I am imbedded into the furniture of a room where I won't be seen Hidden from the eyes of those who won't gaze through me I am not to be found out I reside in obscurity to protect the fragility  Of my delicate psyche  That I've learned to hide  And I run as fast as I can from it This is my cross to bear It feels ancient and is bigger than me It is who I am and more Today I saw a slight reflection of that haunted area My protective shield that has guarded this place inside that I've had no stomach to see, hear or feel has cracked I stumbled upon that part o...

  Now that I have reached age 70, reality smacks me in my face The rules we lived by have changed and it throws me off center It shocks me Radical hypocrisy and shamelessness are in fashion Words are used to attack, gaslight and harm Civility is not valued Consciousness, heart and soul in our society, has been tossed into the garbage Individuality with no regard for others has surfaced like a plague This is oppressive Many of us treat one another with condemnation We are motivated by getting ahead and attaining power, money and status We look at other human beings as objects to manipulate, use and toss The planet is seen as a bone to chew on and then discard The ones who feel entitled blast away at the heavenly mountains and forests or they seep toxic chemicals into our precious lands and holy waters In order to pad bank accounts and fill pockets With disregard to the rhythm, harmony, the flow of nature  With disrespect and callous endangerment to the health and psyche of thos...

  The shame  How it sizzles in my lower chest Like a sleeping volcano that is waking up Each time another racist political missile is launched Against the oppressed who have been targeted by policies and laws that strip them of rights and freedom since the birth of this nation By the cowardly band of white extremists who devised and continue to build a racist system that holds down and chokes the breath out of "nonwhite" human beings to keep them from attaining any voice in society.  The white man who took the lands illegally in the first place made up stories how nonwhites are subhuman And it was the white man who coerced and kidnapped the Black bodies over here and then enslaved them centuries ago They made up lies about how these "savages" are out of control and are to be feared They projected their own inhumanity onto them They spread the delusion that white people are superior The only way that people of color and the indigenous can survive is by serving the wh...

  I gaze at the wonder and the pain in their eyes I hear and feel a desperate struggle to stay alive in the sound of their voices The stories of    families who are displaced into the cellars of society Who have been thrown down like a doormat to be stepped on by those who feel entitled Who I've ignored, not seen, passed over and dismissed Even though I swore to myself I wasn't that type  Even though my job was to help those in need Even though my reputation was the tender, vulnerable, male therapist who is compassionate Even though I was known as the one to teach men about being open Even though I protested, marched with, and gave credence to the antiracist movement Even though I campaigned and voted for progressive candidates Even though I pledged allegiance to the social, criminal and climate justice movements Even though I grew up in New York City and saw and felt inside myself, the pain, joy and everyday life experiences of people whose skin is darker than mine ...

  How am I supposed to like the politician who intentionally tries to suppress the votes of the people? How am I supposed to like the people who vote for those politicians? How am I supposed to like the senators and representatives who pass legislation that is racist and fascist? How do I even try to like the people who elect such an element to our government? How do I accept those that spread false narratives about the pandemic, the vaccines, facts related to the welfare of the people and about the environment? How do I accept people who listen to that and keep voting for those who push falsehoods into positions of power? How am I supposed to like those who turn their backs on the suffering of people all around them? How am I supposed to look in the eyes of people that feed the system that runs off of oppression and not feel resentment? How am I supposed to have compassion for those who either knowingly or blindly choose to support systemic wide injustice? How do I even try to lik...

 The expansive sky above was painted baby blue, releasing rays from the mid-afternoon sun that warmed the chilling eighteen-degree day This vibrant canopy looked over me as I ran along the puddled, sloshy asphalt streets from newly melted snow It is early March and winter is slowly retreating making way for spring My body absorbs the energy of this new day This particular moment is lazy, quiet but vibrant And I need to run My legs are longing to propel forward To push off the pavement I absorb into the winter landscape that is about to transform To make space for new growth and blossoming life of the new season in waiting As I feel my body work, a sense of wonder comes over me How this planet cycles in and out of darkness, light, hot and cold Where leaves fall, nests are built, flowers bloom and eggs hatch Pleasure, pain, birth and death are components of the earth's existence Experiencing loss and grief with mother earth allows us to appreciate life to the fullest I delight in the...

You cheer with a sarcastic edge You laugh and jump for joy You hail the hatred and vile rhetoric These past four years you have become more vocal, overt and methodical with your racist taunts and acts of violence and intimidation You deny the truth, shoot out lies and place vitriol on a pedestal You follow the twisted, repulsive and hollow words of a man that doesn't even care about you You probably don't realize that You just want to belong somewhere You feel forgotten-not important-left behind You are angry that the "elite" has no respect for you They are your enemy and are taking away your freedom You need to belong and be part of something bigger than you It is exhilarating and your endorphins pump through your body When you join with others who are seeking to fill their empty souls through  degrading those who you blame for your insecurity You believe the most outrageous-delusional fabrications of reality that could ever be imagined You gather together and stoke ...

  The uneasiness swims through my veins and arteries My legs are desperate to rise and take off like a rocket This body of flesh and bones is on alert It is telling me to beware and be ready My brain is sending out the danger signal I lie awake waiting for the next message to tell me what to do I create scenarios in the hyper aroused mind how I heroically save the day This is how I get stirred up  The dramatic attack by American citizens on the freedom of myself, neighbors and others, has me gasping I felt betrayed after the 2016 election at how anyone could vote for a fascist And now here are those same people who are rebelling, revolting, rioting against who and what I voted for in the past election This is an active assault on my soul When a bigoted, unruly, unreasonable and deluded mob overthrows a government building When the entire nation holds its collective breath to wait until an inauguration concludes without disruption from its own people My mind and body tell me we...

 I found my breath today It brought me stillness I found the beat in my heart It brought me rhythm I closed my eyes It brought me peace I let go of my thoughts It brought me silence I stared down my fear It brought me acceptance I let my anger melt inside my chest It brought me comfort I laughed at my shame It brought me freedom I forgave myself for falling short It brought me a new day I accepted there are those around me who I don't agree with It brought me clarity I realized all the social ills of our society won't get fixed in my lifetime It brought me lightness and flexibility I allowed myself to feel the weight of my hate It brought me to the quietness of my soul Then I felt the tenderness of the love inside of me And I rested

  It is grey, damp, cold and I'm walking on a trail around Wirth Lake Princey, my adorable black, furry companion, is sniffing the terrain Enjoying the adventure  Having no worries Joyously trotting from one spot to another As I am gazing at the bare trees and grey sky I am struck by a jolt of anger They voted for him Not because they are working class people who feel screwed Plenty of working class people didn't vote for him They chose him because they bow down to White power They laugh, cheer for him, and they catcall anyone that challenges their bigoted and racist universe They feel strong and intoxicated  They feel they are finally somebody and belong to something They are loyal, and dedicated and will sacrifice their bodies and souls to be in this club Because they drank the potion of White power  And it tastes victorious They are on the precipice of the highest peak Everyone else is below them And their job is to keep outsiders down  By stepping on their n...

  The email said she would like to schedule an appointment for counseling with me. She really loves my approach. She wants to work on relationship issues. I made the decision to stop seeing clients the end of April which is five months away. Why is it so hard for me to reply to this person? To tell her I can't see her. On one hand it feels like I'll be rejecting her.  On the other hand it feels like I'll be shutting myself down. And maybe that's what it is. For so long I've been answering emails and phone calls to schedule old and new clients. There were periods of time where a fair number of requests poured in. And there were times where it was pretty thin. Here it is again one more request.  But now it feels like I will be shutting the door and locking it if I tell her I can't see her. The image of turning the key, locking the door, closing shop lands in my gut. There is a sinking, finalized and empty sensation in the middle of my abdomen. It is a grief, a sad...