Bernie Slutsky

You cheer with a sarcastic edge You laugh and jump for joy You hail the hatred and vile rhetoric These past four years you have become more vocal, overt and methodical with your racist taunts and acts of violence and intimidation You deny the truth, shoot out lies and place vitriol on a pedestal You follow the twisted, repulsive and hollow words of a man that doesn't even care about you You probably don't realize that You just want to belong somewhere You feel forgotten-not important-left behind You are angry that the "elite" has no respect for you They are your enemy and are taking away your freedom You need to belong and be part of something bigger than you It is exhilarating and your endorphins pump through your body When you join with others who are seeking to fill their empty souls through  degrading those who you blame for your insecurity You believe the most outrageous-delusional fabrications of reality that could ever be imagined You gather together and stoke ...

  The uneasiness swims through my veins and arteries My legs are desperate to rise and take off like a rocket This body of flesh and bones is on alert It is telling me to beware and be ready My brain is sending out the danger signal I lie awake waiting for the next message to tell me what to do I create scenarios in the hyper aroused mind how I heroically save the day This is how I get stirred up  The dramatic attack by American citizens on the freedom of myself, neighbors and others, has me gasping I felt betrayed after the 2016 election at how anyone could vote for a fascist And now here are those same people who are rebelling, revolting, rioting against who and what I voted for in the past election This is an active assault on my soul When a bigoted, unruly, unreasonable and deluded mob overthrows a government building When the entire nation holds its collective breath to wait until an inauguration concludes without disruption from its own people My mind and body tell me we...

 I found my breath today It brought me stillness I found the beat in my heart It brought me rhythm I closed my eyes It brought me peace I let go of my thoughts It brought me silence I stared down my fear It brought me acceptance I let my anger melt inside my chest It brought me comfort I laughed at my shame It brought me freedom I forgave myself for falling short It brought me a new day I accepted there are those around me who I don't agree with It brought me clarity I realized all the social ills of our society won't get fixed in my lifetime It brought me lightness and flexibility I allowed myself to feel the weight of my hate It brought me to the quietness of my soul Then I felt the tenderness of the love inside of me And I rested

  It is grey, damp, cold and I'm walking on a trail around Wirth Lake Princey, my adorable black, furry companion, is sniffing the terrain Enjoying the adventure  Having no worries Joyously trotting from one spot to another As I am gazing at the bare trees and grey sky I am struck by a jolt of anger They voted for him Not because they are working class people who feel screwed Plenty of working class people didn't vote for him They chose him because they bow down to White power They laugh, cheer for him, and they catcall anyone that challenges their bigoted and racist universe They feel strong and intoxicated  They feel they are finally somebody and belong to something They are loyal, and dedicated and will sacrifice their bodies and souls to be in this club Because they drank the potion of White power  And it tastes victorious They are on the precipice of the highest peak Everyone else is below them And their job is to keep outsiders down  By stepping on their n...

  The email said she would like to schedule an appointment for counseling with me. She really loves my approach. She wants to work on relationship issues. I made the decision to stop seeing clients the end of April which is five months away. Why is it so hard for me to reply to this person? To tell her I can't see her. On one hand it feels like I'll be rejecting her.  On the other hand it feels like I'll be shutting myself down. And maybe that's what it is. For so long I've been answering emails and phone calls to schedule old and new clients. There were periods of time where a fair number of requests poured in. And there were times where it was pretty thin. Here it is again one more request.  But now it feels like I will be shutting the door and locking it if I tell her I can't see her. The image of turning the key, locking the door, closing shop lands in my gut. There is a sinking, finalized and empty sensation in the middle of my abdomen. It is a grief, a sad...

  The voice is in the distance but it's getting closer and closer Louder and louder It is piercing, wailing, raging It grieves It is exhausting Tired Its been beaten, dragged through the streets, lynched, shot Left for dead Forgotten Pushed aside Did you hear it yet? Is it not loud enough? Your ears are covered Maybe you see it The tears The funerals The marches The signs that demand equality The signs that demand justice The signs that demand respect The art that portrays the ones that were killed Do you feel it yet? The desperation, the fear, the anger, sorrow, rawness, hopelessness Do you feel your fear, your shame, your guilt? Is it catching up? The divide is caving in What are you going to do? When we live at another's expense Is it worth it? When White privilege is a priority Is it worth it? When we look at strangers or outsiders with righteousness in our eyes Is it worth it? When we marginalize people of color or those who have a different sexual preference than we do Is...

  "Everyone on this call has ancestors that ran from something!" He paused then said it again. "Everyone on this call has ancestors that ran from something!" His deep voice had conviction that penetrated my skin. It was like thunder from the sky that shook up my insides. The vibrations in my head flowed down my arms through my chest and into my stomach. They dropped to my legs then feet. I saw the image of my mother and her family fleeing Poland. They didn't leave Poland they escaped. To get away from oppression, violence and death. She told me about this when I was a child. I would hear more and more as I got older. It has been decades and I never welcomed the real story inside my body. It settled somewhere inside my gut, my chest, my throat.  It made itself at home on its own. The full narrative of running away from the trauma of war and oppression has been lying dormant in my being for almost seventy years. I have had a tremor in my hands ever since I can rem...