Power Outage

 I was getting some cashews from the pantry in the kitchen when the blast from outside got my attention for a split second. I thought maybe we lost the power. I noticed there wasn't light or sound from the den where I was watching the news. I heard my wife from another room in the house loudly saying, "Did you hear that? Was that inside the house?" That's when I realized we did lose the power. I grabbed a flashlight and turned it on. I went down the stairs into the dark basement. I checked the power box to see if anything blew out and saw that wasn't the case. We learned a bit later there was a power outage in the area. We had to wait until it got repaired.

Without electric power there is no access to the internet which means nothing works. Our television runs through the internet so watching that was out. Both of our phones were minimally charged so we needed to preserve them because we couldn't power them up. The stove doesn't function without electricity so cooking dinner wasn't an option.

I started to get a bit cranky. I wanted to make spaghetti for dinner but couldn't use the stove. I also wanted to watch The Voice but the tv was out. I had to settle for almond butter and jelly on rice crackers. My wife worked on a puzzle and I read a few chapters of my book with the aid of a flashlight and lantern.

Living in this pandemic we are isolated. We can't go out. We can't gather. This has been a major adjustment. We need to congregate. When we go to the gym, we might not socialize but there are still people around. When we shop for groceries there are people around. We are educated in groups. We mostly work with other people. We grieve and celebrate with people. We need community to thrive.

The pandemic ended direct contact to other human beings. Our way of life came to a jolting halt. We are still grieving this loss. And will be for a while.

We've lost our power before. On many occasions. This time it felt like I was exposed. There was a rawness inside my body. Without the internet I was one more layer removed from civilization. I can say there was a sense of desperation. I was feeling out on a limb.

Depending on zoom and face-time to engage and connect with others and loved ones feels tenuous to me. I am one for needing to be in person. To look into the eyes of others. To feel their hearts and souls. I can appreciate the boxes on the screen as a substitute. But my heart aches for the physical touch and real time presence.

I miss the voices that originate from the breath that travels directly to my ears.

I miss seeing the wrinkles and creases of the clothes people wear.

I miss sitting down with others and notice their shoes.

I miss the microseconds of intimacy that randomly occurs during real time interactions with others.

When the power went out it felt like another loss.

I'm not quite ready for that.